It has been a month since I arrived here at Mountain Sky, milestone markers such as time past always forces me to peer retrospectively at the time that I have spent, especially in a new place. Like most new seasonal positions the move is marked with mixed excitement and apprehension. Never knowing what to expect out of the staff and guests often churns my head with thoughts of worry and wonderment. The only thing I never seem to be worried about before I go is the place itself. One can gain an appreciation of beauty through pictures of the area but the fear of the people that you will encounter is always something that keeps me grounded throughout my travels.
Living in such a tightly knit and closed area such as a secluded mountain ranch harks back memories of grade school and college cheerleading. The gossip pool here is always in full movement and it seems to be powered by a never ending supply of estrogen induced fuel. Everyone naturally knows what is going on with whom and whom they are doing it with, at least the assume they do. Which is why the gossip pool here is more of a rumor mill. Thankfully, I am used to this terrible cycle of human rumoury thanks to my friends in my former home and I can gladly sit back and watch the chaos unfold without too much to worry my mind. How could I?
Currently as I wander through my thoughts I am continually distracted by the light rain shower that falls from a sun-filled sky as I peer into Paradise Valley opening up below me. I hear the sounds of what seems like a tractor struggling to starting in the distance the hollow sound popping as the starter struggles to turn the engine over. I am quickly reminded, however, that there are no tractors on the ranch. Instead the sound that beckons from the trees is that of a Blue Grouse, continually searching for a mate during this time of rebirth. The sun is shining, the snow has stopped, the grass is green and the wildflowers are in bloom. It is springtime at Mountain Sky and there are few things in this world that could make my experience here any sweeter.
Thankfully my time here at the ranch has put me at ease for my possible lifestyle. It is hard to explain your thoughts to your friends and family about your need and want to be a transient being. The fact that I just gave up my last permanent address, for what seems like in my mind, could potentially be a very extensive stint; scares me and excites simultaneously. I have tried to explain my need for searching, searching for a place where you feel as if you belong, are accepted or just a place that feels more like home; because where you were born just does not suffice. Unfortunately, those people that surround you everyday just do not understand, but these people here, they get it. We are following the same jaded path of self sacrifice and acceptance. Sacrificing a life of commonality and conformity and simultaneously foregoing our acceptance in this over bearing world.
I am continually asked, "Why do you do this?" "What are you running from?" The more I am asked these same questions, the deeper I am forced to think about my answer in order to respond in a different manner than I did previously. Why do I do this? Well, I suppose it is because I am great at what I do. I anticipate I do not react, I am cordial and talkative. I love meeting new people and hearing their stories and sharing mine. I love having a twelve month working vacation. That is why I do this. What am I running from? Well whether this life was chosen for me or whether I chose it. I suppose we are all running from something. Whether it is done physically or emotionally we are all trying to shut something out. I would guess that it is in our nature as human beings, our instinct of self preservation. In essence for me I am running from life. When you can accept that your not cut for the traditional lifestyle of a typical American you begin to wonder what place you have. When life no longer made me happy I had to think about what did. It was no longer the empty relationships of people who claim to be your friends and significant others when in reality the truth of these relationships would not stand the test of time. It was no longer the hustle and bustle of a busy city life filled with materialistic needs and nights fulfilled with alcohol abuse. My old life did not want me anymore or I did not want it. Either way I do not view my life as running away but more as running toward a life of enjoyment and simplicity.
It is a thanks to the great guests that I have had here in the last month to help me through this transition in my life as a self proclaimed seasonal warrior, a transient being with no permanent house or address, searching through life's back country trying to find that place that I can call home.
Someday...
